What do you think when you see this photo? Someone healthy? Fit? Obsessed with working out?...Self confident because she is posting a picture of herself in a sports bra on the internet? Well... let me tell you what my head is saying and telling me about myself. Erin's thoughts: "Erin look at your stomach... see the bulge? THAT'S GROSS! Go do some ab exercises.. then don't eat all day because you are too fat. Why are you flexing? You don't have muscles to flex anyway.. you are weak, small, breakable, and fragile remember? Now look at your legs fatty! There should be a bigger gap between them. They shouldn't rub together when you walk! Those jeans you had on yesterday.. ya you looked terrible in them because your legs bulged and your butt (well non existant or wayyy to big) was saggy! Think of all the comments people told you these past few years.. you aren't good enough, smart enough, strong enough, beautiful enough! YOU AREN'T ENOUGH! Pretty shocking right? Not for me...those are the constant thoughts running through my head. When I am working out, I tune them out thinking that I will get strong and healthy. Through treatment at ERC I have found tools (other than just working out and not eating) on how to try and believe that I am worthy of food and the negative body image thoughts are just my eating disorder thoughts that want to destroy me, not help me. 1) Look and the mirror and name 10 things that aren't about your looks that you like -My smile, my humor, my intelligence, etc. 2) Think: What can the body parts you hate do for you? - My legs are not fat; My legs are muscular and strong allowing me to PR leg presses over 200 pounds and play ice hockey BUT even with this I know the negative thoughts will remain.. I don't know when I will look at a picture of myself or look in a mirror and say, "Erin you are beautiful". I hope it is soon, but all I can do right now is not give into my Eating Disorder thoughts and react to them negatively. I have so much more to offer the world than just my looks... I need to love myself, my mind, and my body in order to take care of it and work toward my values and goals in life :) |
1 Comment
Amy C
11/9/2014 11:45:11 am
So beautiful and strong!
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AuthorName: Erin Archives
May 2015
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