*Did I exercise long enough? Hard enough?-- hmm proly not! Great going to get fat... ::GUILT::
*OMG I exercised over my contract because of that guy using my machine so I took over my hour ::GUILT::
*OHHH you wanted an Oreo today? FATTY ::GUILT:
*HMMM you wroked out and didn't meet your macros today ::GUILT::
*HMMM you went over on your Carb macros... yup you are going to get fat now ::GUILT::
*OH you don't feel like eating with your family or friends... you are so anti-social and lame ::GUILT::
GUILT GUILT GUILT GUILT
I feel like I have the two little people standing on my shoulders: evil and good. The good is myself.. knowing I shouldn't feel guilty over eating, not exercising, enjoying life... Then I have the bad which is my ED: telling me I should be guilty for not eating enough, not exercising enough, not being strong, eating too much, eating with people..etc etc
I know over time as I continue through therapy these voices will get smaller and smaller.... but for right now there's no denying the pain inside this guilt is causing me.
However... my quote of the week is this
"The first step to getting anywhere is deciding you're not willing to stay where you are"
I don't want to stay guilty... I don't want to be living under this ED... I want freedom and recovery
I am willing to move forward!
XOXO Erin